An American who moved to Dubai . .(Pardon the language)

This following extract is taken from diary of an American who moved to
Dubai last spring…

April 30th:

Just got transferred to work and live in beautiful Dubai , UAE! WOW!!!
Now this is a city that knows how to live!!! Beautiful sunny days and
warm balmy evenings. Lovely bars, unbelievably expensive discos and
nightclubs where a chilled beer can cost up to $20. It’s like New York
City minus all the crocks, murderers, and drunks. What a place! I
watched the sunset from a deck chair on my beautiful bedroom veranda.
It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

May 13th:

Really heating up. Got to 95 degrees today. Not a problem. Live in an
air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, and everything is
fully air-conditioned. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like
this. I’m turning into a sun worshipper.

May 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today around our
lovely pool. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No
more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
Heat is no problem at all.

June 10th:

The temperature hasn’t been below 95 all week even during the night.
How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s kind
of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 90% of my body.
Missed 5 days of work. What a dumb thing to do in this lovely city. I
learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like

July 20th:

Kitty (our cat) sneaked into the car when I left for the office. By
the time I got to the hot car for my lunch break, Kitty had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $60,000
Audi. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like
Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in
this heat.

July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fucking hair dryer in here!!!

And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner died. The fucking AC
repairman charged 500 Dirhams just to drive over and tell me it was
broken in fucking Hindu English or some language that I couldn’t

July 30th:

Air conditioner still broken. Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3
nights now because it is 7000 fucking degrees inside. Bloody 2,000,000
Dirhams house and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Fuck the sun. Fuck the wind. Fuck the freak in’ ocean. And fucking
locals walk around dressed in white tablecloths followed by little
black female ninjas. Fucking crazy town.

August 4th:

It’s 118 fucking degrees today. Finally got the ol’ air-conditioner
fixed. It cost 2,000 fucking Dirhams and got the temperature down to
25, but the fucking humidity makes the house feel 30 fucking Dubai
degrees. Stupid terrorist repairman. I hate this stupid fucking place.

August 8th:

If another local wise ass cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m
going to fucking whack him all the way back to his goddamn desert.
Fucking Dubai ; by the time I get to work with all that fucking
traffic and heat, the car’s radiator is boiling over, my clothes are
soaking wet and I smell like a baked cat!!!

August 9th:

Tried to run some errands today because it is fucking Friday. Wore
shorts and sat on the black leather seats in my Audi. The seat was so
fucking hot I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and
all the hair on the back of my legs and my fucking ass. Now my car
smells like burning ass.

August 10th:

The weather report might as well be a fucking recording. Hot, humid
and fucking sunny. Hot, humid and fucking sunny. Hot, humid and
fucking sunny. It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and
the weatherman dude wearing the fucking white tablecloth on TV says it
might really warm up next week. Does it ever rain in this damn fucking
place? What is next, a fucking hell freezing over wave?

August 14th:

WELCOME TO HELL!!! Temperature got to 125 today. Now the
air-conditioner’s gone in my fucking Audi. The fucking Audi serviceman
said, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ Fuck him and fuck Audi. My wife had
to spend the 7,000 Dirham to bail my ass out of jail for assaulting
that stupid fucking Indian bastard wise ass. Fuck Dubai ! What kind of
a sick demented fucking idiot would want to live in this shit hole?

Fuck this place. I’m off back to New York

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