جوک زنان
From: Azita
مردها مثل الکل هستند دیر بجنبی همه شان می پرند…. ستاد یادآوری فرصت ها به بانوان
در زندگي هر دختري يك سوال هست كه تا آخر عمر او را همراهي مي‌كند
. . . . . . . . . . . . . حالا چي بپوشم؟
زنها دو وقت گریه می کنن : ۱ – وقتی فریب می خورن ! ۲ – وقتی می خوان فریب بدن!!
آدم تا وقتى زن نداره ، فقط زن نداره ، وقتى زن داره ، فقط زن داره !
شیطان هرکاری کرد آدم سیب نخورد! رو کرد به حوا گفت : بخور واسه پوستت خوبه !
چو هرگز نیابی نشانی ز شوی / ز گهواره تا گور دانش بجوی. ستاد تشویق دختران به درس خواندن
نام مرد در موبايل زنها : آشنايى: مرد روياهام / نامزدى: عشقم / ازدواج: هم نفسم / 1 ماه بعد: جان دلم / 2 ماه بعد: سايه سرم / 3 ماه بعد: شوهرم / 1 سال بعد: آقا بالاسر / 2 سال بعد: بخور بخواب / 3 سال بعد: نره غول / 4 سال بعد: لندهور / بعد از 5 سال: مرتيكه نفهم بى شعور، مفت خور نمك به حروم بى چشم و رو !
یك سؤال به سوالات مراسم ازدواج اضافه شد: عروس خانم روزانه چه مقدار نان میخورند؟ !
يارو رو داشتن به جرم قتل زنش محاكمه می كردن . دادستان می گه : سنگدل ?! تو وقتی داشتی زنت رو می كشتی، ندای وجدانت رو نشنيدی ؟! طرف می گه : نه والله ! بس كه اين زنيكه جيغ و داد ميكرد مگه می ذاشت ما چيزی بشنويم ؟!!
ابتدا خداوند زمین را آفرید سپس استراحت کرد ، بعد مرد را آفرید سپس استراحت کرد آنگاه زن را آفرید سپس نه خدا استراحت کرد نه مرد نه زمین !!!
اگه گفتید شباهت “زن” با “گردباد” چیه؟ جفتشون اول که میان با هیجان وارد زندگیت میشن.. و جفتشون موقع رفتن خونه، ماشین، و همه زندگیتو با خودشون می برن
خداوند مرد را آفريد، و به زن ها قول داد مرد ايده آل را میتوان در هر “گوشه” زمين پيدا كرد و زمين را “گرد” آفريد تا گوشه نداشته باشد..
و خداوند زن را آفريد تا هيچ مردي به مرگ طبيعي نميرد (سوره سكته آيات حرص تا دق )
همیشه پشت سر هر زن موفق ، مرديست که نتونسته جلوی موفقیتشو بگیره .
زن به شوهرش میگه : تو هندوستان یک زن رو به قیمت یک گوسفند فروختند… به نظر تو این بی انصافی نیست؟؟؟ شوهره میگه : نه اگه زن خوبی باشه می ارزه
ترجمه چند تا از این هجویات یا گفته های نشاط آور اقایانه
زنها دو وقت گریه می کنن : ۱ – وقتی فریب می خورن ! ۲ – وقتی می خوان فریب بدن
ترجمه. زنها احمق و خرند ، زود گول میخورند. زنها فریبکار و روباه صفت هستند و هدفی جزگول زدن مرد ودیگران ندارند
شیطان هرکاری کرد آدم سیب نخورد! رو کرد به حوا گفت : بخور واسه پوستت خوبه
ترجمه. تنها چیزی که برای زن در زندگی‌اش مهم است ظاهر ، رنگ پوست و زیبأی است.چون قدرت تفکر ندارند
خداوند مرد را آفريد، و به زن ها قول داد مرد ايده آل را میتوان در هر “گوشه” زمين پيدا كرد و زمين را “گرد” آفريد تا گوشه نداشته باشد
ترجمه. و خدا مرد را از شربلاهای این بد جنس همه چیزخراب کن نجات داد
زن به شوهرش میگه : تو هندوستان یک زن رو به قیمت یک گوسفند فروختند… به نظر تو این بی انصافی نیست؟؟؟ شوهره میگه : نه اگه زن خوبی باشه می ارزه
ترجمه. خودت دلت می‌خواهد زنت یا خواهرت در حد یک گوسفند یا بزغاله باشد؟
از ماست که بر ماست ، چه کسی به خندد یا گریه کند.
Animals have always been regarded in Buddhist thought as sentient beings.
Thank you for your translation.
I hope you Can take a joke? :=)
Dear Master,
It is all matter of taste! I just think demeaning, insulting so called jokes that degrades and insults people for fun and laughter are inappropriate. Do some Iranian LOVE to hear and laugh about یه ترک خر، یه رشتی بی غیرت ، یه قزوینی کونی، یه اصفونی زرنگ، و یا یه تهرونی جمع همه اینا ، , of course they do, but does it make it right? I guess it is a matter of personal taste, and opinion.
So called jokes sounds like locker room funnies to me, representing testostronic rational of some men chauvinistic attitude towards women. It can be justified as joke and funnies but it is known no matter how much lipsticks you put on a pig, a pig is a pig and remains a pig!
I can “take” a joke, especially if I am a captive audience. But this kind just does not appeal to me and this is the matter of personal opinion!
So cheers and آنچه می‌خواهد دل تنگت بگو
Dear PA.
It is hard to understand a joke, It is even harder to be subject of a joke and the hardest is ability to laugh without a joke.
The joke by fg was a forwarded message by a female.
YES the ladies do have ability to laugh and forward a message .
Many great comedians are females and not representing testostronic rational of some men chauvinistic attitude towards women, as you indicated.
Nobody here insulted women, Turks,… but you.
I think Turks are hardworkers, Rashtis are rational, Gazvinis are important, Esfehaninis are intelligent and tehranis all the above.
Democrats use a donkey as their symbol (is some one trying to insult them? may be they understand quality of a donkey) .
If your desire is to call people names Just Do It! آنچه می‌خواهد دل تنگت بگو
I hope their self-esteem prevents them to turn around and say “are you talking to me”.
“Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.”
— Buddha
Dear Master,
You are throwing together multiple and not so much related strands, evading rather than directly engaging and addressing the real issue I have addressed. If you don’t mind I respond to your comments one by one.
It is hard to understand a joke, it is even harder to be subject of a joke and the hardest is ability to laugh without a joke.
• Whatever that means! I sometimes laugh for NO REASON!! What is so complicated to understand about ANY of the jokes posted here? They are all meant to insult and in particular to degrade women. Can you please give ONLY ON example of a joke that is HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
The joke by fg was a forwarded message by a female.
• So what? That DOES NOT change anything; do you think it should be treated differently because A FEAMALE sends it? Should I or other readers REACT differently because it was forwarded by a FEAMALE, are you giving her a preferential treatment, “especial” privilege, or a handicap because she is a woman? Are you trying to appease and defend the indefensible?
YES the ladies do have ability to laugh and forward a message.
• In our patriarchal culture, it is the real MAN’s job to decide and acknowledge the “ladies ability”! You know Master, in this culture she still is a ZAEIFEH that is EXACTLY reason that there are this type of insulting chauvinistic jokes so men can have fun. The women’s apparent laughter is to PLEASE their man, they are conditioned to be submissive and please their man.
• But that even HAS NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with what I said and what it ACTUALLY meant. All power to ALL people, male and female. Why you want to highlight “ladies”? Are they “different”, must be treated in especial way? If you BELIEVE this can you please EXPLAIN why?
• I am sure you understand and agree that I am not talking about “one particular person.” Or People that you know that don’t fit the bill, and certainly about many of the free, independent, self- directed, Iranian women. I am talking about the dominant culture manifested in jokes like that and that is an acknowledged fact.
Many great comedians are females and not representing testostronic rational of some men chauvinistic attitude towards women, as you indicated.
• So what, I am NOT TALKING about FEMALE COMIDIANDS, or even MALE COMIDIAND, what you say is irrelevant. I am talking about offensive jokes (in my opinion) posted here.
Nobody here insulted women, Turks,… but you.
• Really Master, Come On! This is a blow below the belt! Is offensive and totally unwarranted. Don’t you think you are a bit pissed off and angry when you are accusing me so recklessly without providing any evidence and explanation?! I must say that again by defending the indefensible are you trying to appeal to and appease someone? It is hard for me to see if what you say is your REAL opinion or you just want to be politically correct?!!! Could you please in a coherent way EXPLAIN how I insulted women, and Turks, please don’t make a “blanket” open ended free for all statement. If you make such strong accusation, you need to explain, i.e. GIVE SPECIFIC REASONS. I DID NOT say or post these jokes; I do not use and DID not come up with any ethnic joke, these ARE NOT my inventions. So please HOW I could insult women, Turks, Rashties, etc. That assertion is really absurd.
I think Turks are hardworkers, Rashtis are rational, Gazvinis are important, Esfehaninis are intelligent and tehranis all the above.
• What about ALL THOSE JOKES Master? Some hint of hypocrisy here, may be? Why you DID NOT say a word against those who use ethnic jokes?
Democrats use a donkey as their symbol (is some one trying to insult them? may be they understand quality of a donkey).
• Ask them, do you know why donkey is a symbol? I think Wiki will help here!
If your desire is to call people names Just Do It! آنچه می‌خواهد دل تنگت بگو
• That is really weird Master, where in the world you got the idea that I like to CALL PEOPLE NAMES? Really weird! YOUR preferred posted Iranian so called WOMEN’S JOKES IS FULL OF LABLES and NAME CALLING, are you telling me I invented labels for THESE WOMEN’S JOKES, for Ghazvini, Esfahani, Rashti, and Turki JOKE CHARACTERS? That is really ANSURED. Or you think I was the one who said a good woman is as good as a good ANIMAL—Gosfand?
I hope their self-esteem prevents them to turn around and say “are you talking to me”.
• I have no idea what you are saying here. I don’t know whose “self-esteem” you are talking about BUT YOU missed it again Master, I AM NOT talking about ANYONE, I am talking about AN IDEA, a JOKE REPRESENTS AN IDEA, a MINDSET, and A CULTURE. I am talking about a cheap, locker room level, Testosterone infused male joyful moment, a hill-Billy red-neck having fun. I am talking about an insulting, degrading, chauvinistic, and very crude. ALL IN MY OPINION!
“Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.”
– Buddha
Well said. But sorry Buddha, I don’t think these jokes were nice and kind and respectful to women and if you really THINK about it men!
Well Master, I always welcome your occasional Gosheh, Kenayeh, and Sogholmeh!! It makes life more interesting ! These are for you and readers, it is almost like I am talking:
“Our destiny is to reside in the realm of silence; shout and shake the dome of the Universe while you can” Hafez
“There is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” Virginia Woolf
Cheers,